Racing Stripe Beard

After 5 years(!)* of creating and documenting various beard removals, I'm finding it harder and harder to come up with new creative styles to sport (if only for long enough to take a picture). Luckily, beard removal day recently fell while hanging out with the circus. And if ever I've seen creative people, it's in the circus. I decided to turn the reins over to a guest artist and let her do her worst. These awesome racing stripes are what she came up with. Not bad at all. I even let myself be talked into keeping said beard style for 36 hours (which included at least 2 trips to the grocery store and one river rafting trip*). The next day, when I went for the for the clean slate, there was another fun in between stage as well. I kind of like this guest artist concept of the beard series. I may have to stick with it. If you've got an idea, sign up now!

Tuesday August 30 2011

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on Wed 31st Aug, 2011 04:51 pm PDT Kat said: I'm afraid any comment will only encourage more of this. ************************ on Thu 01st Sep, 2011 12:47 am PDT Horge said: As for your guest-artist idea, I was thinking that it might be a bit tough to explain some design. So I have a suggestion, an interactive comic: supply a picture of yourself that we can digitally shave (is there a simple, online drawing app you could integrate into BdW?) and submit to you. A less complicated alternative would be to just provide us some pre-/post-shave headshots to photoshop. I'm thinking this could be a new segment: Wren's Beard of the Week, of course followed up by a real-life version of your favorite, when it's time for follicle removal. ************************ on Thu 01st Sep, 2011 12:49 am PDT Horge said: Oh and I forgot to add about the racing stripes: creepily tempting to do myself :-) ************************ on Fri 02nd Sep, 2011 08:16 am PDT Saxtor said: "is there a simple, online drawing app you could integrate into BdW?" No, but there's this. ************************ on Sat 03rd Sep, 2011 05:37 am PDT Horge said: @Saxtor: Absolutely brilliant! I'd forgotten all about those things from when I was a kid. You've inspired me to waste a few hours - hopefully Wren will see fit to publish it... :-) ************************ on Sat 03rd Sep, 2011 05:47 pm PDT Wren said: Published. Pretty dang good, Horge. Now I've just got to make the interactive version (and one that doesn't make my face look so fat). ************************ on Mon 05th Sep, 2011 07:15 am PDT Horge said: Thanks. Yeah, I actually spent more time photoshopping the "Wreny" up top than wedging your face into there. I'll send you files so that you can work with it. Maybe finding a cleaner-shaven picture of yourself? (all the close-ups I had of your trip here, you were scruffy at the least) ************************

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The Monkey Tail

No doubt because of my [strictly documentary] habit of making and posting ridiculous beard pictures, a couple of astute readers pointed me to The Monkey Tail. And hey, a good idea is a good idea. It turns out it is really hard to get a good picture of the monkey tail. Hopefully from these pictures, you get the idea. I submitted my photo to the website, but it got shot down. Snap! Oh well, at least it can be added to my ever increasing beard portfolio.

Wednesday June 8 2011

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on Thu 09th Jun, 2011 07:40 am PDT Stephanie said: This is amazing. ************************ on Thu 09th Jun, 2011 11:20 am PDT Horge said: Did they give a reason for it being shot down? I don't know how the site works. Because obviously it actually is a monkey tail. Was it just not silly enough? Should you have made the other sideburn into a banana? ************************ on Thu 09th Jun, 2011 11:27 am PDT Horge said: Judging by the last two guys there, they seem to like foreign monkey tails. You can re-apply, telling them that it was shaven and photographed in Bosnia. That way they can add "rep majmuna" (pronounced "rape my-moon-ah") to their list of international submissions - I doubt they have Bosnia on their list already... ************************ on Sun 12th Jun, 2011 12:46 pm PDT steve said: I'll bet they would accept it if you colored it black with mascara ************************ on Sun 12th Jun, 2011 02:46 pm PDT Anon said: It's because you don't have a shirt on! Read the "Our Only Requirement" part of the website: http://www.themonkeytail.com/p/sumbit-monkeytail.html ************************ on Sun 12th Jun, 2011 09:32 pm PDT Stephanie said: Duh, Wren. You needed to wait to photograph your monkey tail at juggle club to get it on the site. ************************ on Mon 13th Jun, 2011 10:43 am PDT Horge said: How could they really tell for sure? You could tell them you like wearing strapless, low-cut shirts. But in the end, why not just a) crop it up more, or b) photoshop some clothes onto yourself? And after that, tell them they need to clarify things better: like specify where the shirt should be worn (I mean, you could wear a shirt as a turban or a pair of upside-down shorts, and then they couldn't technically call you on it...) ************************ on Thu 07th Jul, 2011 01:22 pm PDT Viagra OnlineFunny man said: Awesome photos, in the second one you look like a puppy... ************************

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Flubbed Beard Opportunity

Recently, I shaved off the biggest beard I've had in a long time. It was big—ridiculously big. I haven't had one so big since my ill-fated appointment at the DMV almost 4 years ago. Anyway, as I'm wont to do, I thought it a great opportunity to do a fun in-betweener beard. It was decided that it should be a 18th century old-timey mariner beard/chops*. So I went to work. But in the 10 or so pictures I took at the various stages of completion, I didn't get even one good shot. Alas. So goes life as a self-shot photographer. Oddly enough, the last time the beard fully came off was in this same backyard in Portland. I never got around to posting the picture of that, so here it is: the always classic halfbeard.

Tuesday February 22 2011

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on Fri 25th Feb, 2011 04:52 pm PST Stephanie said: Please tell me you still have this going on. ************************

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Sketchy Dude

This past Halloween, I spent a good chunk of the day on a bus coming back from that fancy Rally that everyone has been so excited to hear about. Partially because of this and partly because I just didn't get my act together, I didn't do the whole costume thing. Luckily for me, however, some good friends threw their annual bash this weekend with a costumed theme: superheroes. I went as Sketchy Guy. What, you've never heard of Sketchy Guy? Or maybe just not in superhero context? Well, let me tell you something, I've got all sorts of super powers. In fact, just come back to my place and I'll show you ;-) (Note to self: picking a costume that allows you to—nay, requires you to say sketchy things through the night is awesome. Awesome.) Other notable costumes from the party: a spitting image of Mighty Mouse, Scotch Tape Woman*, Captain Hot Sauce, the Cupcake Kid, and possibly the best of all, Soroptimist Prime*. Even though my costume failed me and I ended up going home alone*, I still had a great time. Costume parties are fun. Best of all, I've put together a costume that I can reuse next time I go out on the town*. Watch out, ladies!

Sunday November 14 2010

File under: misc, beard

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on Mon 15th Nov, 2010 11:33 am PST Luke said: No really ladies, watch out. ************************ on Fri 19th Nov, 2010 10:01 am PST Horge said: Where'd you find/how'd you make the newsprint costume? ************************ on Mon 29th Nov, 2010 02:52 pm PST Brandy said: Your mustache is hot. ************************

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The Riddler

Back in college, I did some experimentation, like we all did. This experimentation found its way into my real life in the form of beard art. Well, way back in the day, I tried out the "Riddler", but that was before the blog, so I thought I'd give it another go. Whadda ya think? The downside is that unless you are looking from below, it more or less looks like a asymmetric goatee or otherwise failed stylish beard attempt, but I guess that isn't too far off. (If you can't tell, I'm running low on ideas for beard art, so if you have any ideas on things I haven't tried, let me know before my next shave (in approx. 2 months.))

Sunday August 15 2010

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on Sun 15th Aug, 2010 06:12 pm PDT Dave said: This was on the front page of reddit the other day - how come it wasn't you? ************************ on Sun 15th Aug, 2010 08:19 pm PDT Saxtor said: Dave beat me to it... ************************ on Sun 15th Aug, 2010 11:51 pm PDT Wren said: Yes, Dave and Saxtor, that post was partial inspiration, but I've been meaning to get that up on the blog for sometime now. Another inspiration, however, which I forgot to mention in the post, is that it falls in line with my theme for the week: growing older but not up. Just because I turned 31 last week doesn't mean that I can't do silly things just for fun. ************************ on Mon 16th Aug, 2010 01:12 am PDT Horge said: I have a couple ideas: 1) polka dots, even though people might mistake them for a case of hairy measles? 2) though cliche, how about writing your name or a message in there? 3) some sort of a zig-zag from sideburn to sideburn? 4) finally, and I vote for this one as it should coincide just perfectly timing-wise, try depicting some sort of a clam/beard motif (I think this would go over particularly well with Batesies you'll see about 2 months from now...) ************************

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A Beard With a Story

Here's the story: There is a short beard-related documentary showing at the Pickford Cinema here in Bellingham. Being a beard enthusiast, I rallied my beard-o-phile friends together to go. Then I had the thought, "Hey, I'm due for my bimonthly shave anyway. Why not get creative for the event." I promptly called my buddy to borrow his hair buzzer. Said buddy is a clowny fellow. And it just so happened that the buzzer exchange was going to happen at Vaudevillingham. Clown buddy decided that we should turn the ridiculous beard trimming into an act. I somewhat (but not really) reluctantly agreed. The act was an audience plant act. I was the plant and I was to win the bid on a special hair-cut auction. When I got on stage, I sat down to get ready for my hair cut. Then out came Blinky. He brandished juggling knives, took a shot from his bottle of whiskey, then went to down on my beard. He climbed up on my knees, pretended to shave my legs*, shushed the audience, and generally clowned around. And then I ended up with this beard. On the Trustworthiness of Beards scale, they call it a Horseshoe a.k.a. The Hogan and rate it "unsavory". If it is paired with oversized, yet mismatched, sideburns, I only imagine that moves it more to the "threatening" side of things. The upside is that after the movie, I'm free to shave it off. The downside is that that won't be until Tuesday.

Sunday April 18 2010

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on Sun 18th Apr, 2010 06:37 pm PDT Wren said: The documentary was awesome. It was called "Enter the Beard". See the trailer here. ************************ on Sun 18th Apr, 2010 07:30 pm PDT katie b. said: haha!! ************************ on Sun 18th Apr, 2010 08:07 pm PDT Mom said: The Bearded Lady won't stand a chance against you clowns. ************************ on Tue 20th Apr, 2010 05:35 pm PDT Wren said: The official photos are in. You can check out the whole series (as well as lots of other great ones from Vaudevillingham) at this flickr page. This one's my favorite! ************************

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Progressively Sketchier

Granted this isn't nearly as cool as that progressive shaving video but I just wasn't feeling as inspired. Plus I was planning on leaving that right hand column style for a while. Well, I'm 5 days in and I'm digging it more and more everyday. That might, however, explain why I didn't have a date for Valentine's Day*. But for you beard/mustache nay-sayers out there, you'll be pleased to know that it will have to be gone by Wednesday when I will be heading up to the Olympic Games in Canada. Something tells me I might have any easier border crossing clean[-ish]shaven.

Monday February 15 2010

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on Mon 15th Feb, 2010 06:50 pm PST Sean said: Now shave the burns and just have the moustache extend to your jaw bone ************************

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Movember

Have you heard of Movember*? As I understand it, the point is to get guys to grow mustaches (in November) in order to raise awareness of men's health issues. If you want to learn more about Movember (or just see a bunch of neat mustache pictures) check out their website. Any excuse for ridiculous facial hair, I say. I've done quite a few straight mustaches recently so I thought I might go a little fancier. And differently than most shaving experiments, I actually wore this one out of the house and down to the bar*. If I didn't have to look semi-respectable the next morning, I might have kept it even longer. I kind of dig how it looks. Oh, and here are a few pics of the process (that I am posting for posteriety, not because I've deluded myself into thinking people actually like seeing such shamelessly egotistical photos): before and halfway.

Saturday November 28 2009

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on Sun 29th Nov, 2009 06:11 am PST Saxtor said: It took me a bit more time than it should have to parse "movemember" as "mo", as in "moe-stache", and not the slightly creepy "move-member" I originally read. Got it. ************************ on Sun 29th Nov, 2009 06:13 am PST Saxtor said: Also, I clearly cannot read. I read this incorrectly more than a few times. ************************ on Sun 29th Nov, 2009 08:10 am PST Kat said: Ha ha! You cut your hair super short! I totally win! ************************ on Sun 29th Nov, 2009 10:01 am PST Wren said: Sorry Saxtor. These comments remain for posterity's sake. ************************ on Mon 30th Nov, 2009 03:06 am PST Dave said: what about posteriety? ************************ on Wed 02nd Dec, 2009 07:53 am PST cardboard said: man your gonna have a chilly morning with the lack of facial hair. ************************

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Return of the Stache

I'm posting this for a couple reasons which I will present in bullet format. It's been a while since I've posted and I don't want anyone to worry I've kind of started a tradition of posting my intermittent beard shaves, so I should prolly keep with that. (It's got its own tag and everything.) I'm sad I couldn't keep this style around longer. I had it for 3 days (mostly for a frisbee tournament), but a business meeting came up and I didn't want to look too ridiculous for that. But now that it is here on the blog, it will live forever. But don't worry folks, my summer of adventure (therefore lack of posting) is more or less over, so posting should become regular again. I've got a couple good ones I'm working on so stay tuned. As a teaser, I'll tell you this week's Friday Comic comes from a brand new artist. Good times.

Tuesday August 18 2009

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on Tue 18th Aug, 2009 07:52 pm PDT Saxtor said: Your mustache reminds me of the one that adorned a particular DARE officer from my younger days. ************************ on Wed 19th Aug, 2009 07:35 am PDT Kat said: You should have a caption contest for the frisbee pic. The face on the other guy is priceless. ************************ on Thu 20th Aug, 2009 09:50 am PDT Sean said: Next time you have your facail hair like in the frisbee picture, you need to wear some rockin jorts everywhere you go. ************************

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Stars And Stripes Forever

A couple of ridiculous beard posts ago, I hinted at wanting to attempt to "honor" Flag Day with an appropriate beard. Well, I tried. Here's my attempt at stars and stripes forever. It turns out that we had a much harder time using a sketchy beard as a canvas than ole Betsy Ross did with a bit of canvas. The star was a total failure and the stripes* are a little on the crooked side. But we tried. And it was fun. Maybe someday I will invest in one of those precision trimmers or maybe throw down on a barber (Wouldn't that be a hoot? Walk in to an old timey barber shop and ask them to turn your beard into a, say, sun and moon scape to commemorate summer solstice or something. I can see the look on old Lee's face now.) For now, I'll just make due with what I've got.

Wednesday June 17 2009

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on Fri 19th Jun, 2009 05:21 am PDT Sean said: Hopefully not forever ************************ on Fri 19th Jun, 2009 01:27 pm PDT Ryan said: Couldn't you have waited until July 4th? ************************ on Fri 19th Jun, 2009 11:07 pm PDT Mom said: Didn't I hear somewhere that "You will find love on flag day"? How was that? ************************ on Fri 19th Jun, 2009 11:23 pm PDT Wren said: Not so great. Who would have thought troothpicks could lead me wrong? ************************ on Mon 22nd Jun, 2009 12:19 pm PDT forever anon said: Thanks for neglecting to mention who put that hoorible design on your face. ************************

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